Travis (tearak) wrote,
Travis
tearak

Being pulled down by the though of an impending funeral

A friend of mine passed away a couple days ago, and its thrown my mental structure into disarray.  At the moment, its extremly helpful to write everything down, as it gives substance to the flimsy motes that are my thoughts.  That's what I ussualy end up doing in times of stress anyways, to give some order to things.  most of it ends up going into the 'private' directory though ;)

It makes you take stock of your life.  You don't want to, because in a negative context, but there's little choice in the matter.  What we have and don't, what we've done and havn't, time used, time killed, regrets, rejoices,identity, discontinuity, life, unlife, and what's in between.

Think there's a service on Saturday, so that'll be my weekend plans.  Grief in a painful thing, I'm never quite sure how to alleviate it in others, but I'll try none the less.  I have to try.  I suck at healing people, but I can't see them suffering and do nothing about it.

Their loss gives me pause, and drive me to determination, restoring any connections witih my own people that has faded with lack of use.  Loosing someone through the natural progression of life (i.e. death) I can accept (sort of), but loosing someone through pure inaction on my part is not somethign I can accept.
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